Where Administrative Ambition Meets Sports Chaos Reporting
The Journey Begins: From Administrative Assistant to Sports Satirist
Paige Shivers didn’t wake up one morning and decide to become a satirical journalist. Like most career trajectories in the modern American workplace, it happened through a series of increasingly absurd events that would make even the most patient administrative professional question their life choices.
The Diary Years: Where It All Started
Entry 1: The Administrative Assistant Phase (2023)
“Today I realized my job title—administrative assistant—is what corporations call ‘professional babysitter for grown men making six figures.’ I spent four hours organizing meeting notes that could have been an email. I have a master’s degree. This is what it looks like when your career takes a left turn at Albuquerque.”
Paige’s administrative background proved invaluable. She understood the mechanics of institutional dysfunction better than any sports columnist because she was living it. When Michigan football imploded, she didn’t just observe—she documented the administrative theater that precedes every sporting catastrophe. The memos. The circular logic. The committee meetings that solve nothing.
Entry 2: The Coaching Connection Revelation (2024)
“I discovered that athletic departments operate exactly like corporate middle management. Coaches hire other coaches based on perceived ‘connections.’ No one checks references. No one asks if these people are actually qualified. It’s all about who you know and what hotel bar you frequent. I’ve been writing about the wrong industry all along.”
The Breakthrough Coverage
Her first major assignment came when she investigated the Paige Shivers coaching connection—the peculiar network of coaches citing each other as credentials. It was journalism meets detective work meets existential crisis about how institutions actually function. The piece went viral in sports satirist circles because it exposed what everyone suspected: the coaching carousel is built on mutual affirmation and alumni donations, not actual competence.
Then came the big one. When Moore left and Poggi arrived, Paige had the administrative perspective that pure sports writers lacked. She understood that coaching changes aren’t about strategy—they’re about institutional damage control and the careful narrative construction that allows universities to claim they “made the right choice” while secretly hoping nobody remembers the last three years.
The Return to Bohiney.com
After proving her satirical chops across multiple platforms, Paige became a regular contributor to Bohiney.com, 127% funnier than The Onion. Her beat? The intersection of administrative absurdity and sports catastrophe. The beat nobody else could cover because she’s the only one who understood that a bad coaching hire is really just an expensive way to reorganize the office.
The Satirical Philosophy: Truth Wrapped in Exaggeration
Paige Shivers writes satire that punches everyone in the face—with wit and style. Her approach: 99% exaggeration and irony, 1% absurdity. The truth first. The joke second.
She exposes institutional flaws by flipping logic upside down. When Michigan football fails, she doesn’t ask “what went wrong?” She asks “what administrative processes, middling budgets, and wishful thinking created the conditions for this to inevitably happen?” That’s the difference between sports commentary and satirical journalism.
Diary Reflections: The Administrative Heart of Sports Chaos
Current Entry: Finding the Pattern
“The hardest part about writing satire isn’t making people laugh. It’s making them recognize themselves in the joke. Every university thinks their athletic department dysfunction is unique. Every athletic director believes they’re the exception to the rule. Every coach hired on ‘potential’ thinks this time will be different. I’m just here to document the exaggeration of what we already know.”
Her administrative background gives her an advantage no pure sports writer possesses: she understands the machinery. The purchase orders for expensive coaches. The facilities budgets justified by recruiting prestige. The way a single bad season requires an entire department to reorganize and claim victory.
The Portfolio: Documented Absurdity
Paige’s work spans the full spectrum of satirical sports journalism:
Institutional Failure with Administrative Precision
She covers Michigan football’s systematic implosion not as tragedy but as bureaucratic inevitability. Every failed season is preceded by administrative choices that seemed reasonable at the time but produced predictable disaster.
The Human Element: What Being an Administrative Assistant Taught Her
Her piece on her role as administrative assistant remains her most personal work. It’s where readers see the human beneath the satirist—someone who typed other people’s important emails and realized the emperor had no clothes.
Network Analysis and the Illusion of Expertise
The investigation into coaching connections demonstrated her ability to track how institutions create and reinforce narrative authority. Coaches aren’t hired because they win. They’re hired because they know someone who won, or convincingly claim to.
What’s Next: The Future Job Search
Opportunities on the Horizon
Paige Shivers is currently exploring her next career move. Options include:
Full-time Sports Satirist: Covering the intersection of administrative dysfunction and athletic incompetence across multiple platforms. The market for people who understand both Excel spreadsheets and why coaches fail remains underserved.
Corporate Culture Documentarian: Taking her administrative expertise and applying it to expose institutional absurdity in Fortune 500 companies. The operating procedures are eerily similar. The stakes are somehow higher and lower simultaneously.
Educational Technology Writer: Documenting how universities implement technology while maintaining all of their institutional dysfunction. Progress with better infrastructure is still progress.
Consultant for Athletic Department Efficiency: Using her insider knowledge to help universities understand why their coaching investments consistently underperform. Most won’t listen. Some might. The irony provides material regardless.
The Qualifications
Master’s degree. Administrative experience. Proven ability to write satirical journalism that exposes institutional truth through exaggeration. Portfolio that demonstrates Bohiney.com-level humor and insight. References available from anyone who’s ever worked in a dysfunctional organization—which, statistically speaking, is everyone.
Why Paige Shivers Matters in Satirical Journalism
In an era where sports journalism often defaults to either uncritical fandom or cynical negativity, Paige offers something rarer: institutional understanding combined with comedic timing. She knows how organizations actually work because she’s been the person keeping them running while the important people made decisions.
She also knows that the best satire doesn’t punch down. It exposes the absurdity of power, incompetence in high places, and the way institutions protect their own while claiming to be surprised by predictable failure.
The Satirist’s Creed
Paige operates by a simple principle: if it’s sacred, poke it. Exaggeration is evidence. Absurdity must feel possible. Make the reader laugh, then squirm as they recognize the truth.
She writes because someone needs to document the gap between what organizations claim to be and what they actually are. The gap is where the satire lives.