The annual tradition of promising things the coach already knows won’t happen

The Media Day Lie: What Coaches Say vs. What They Know

Media day. August. The coach sits behind the podium in a custom polo shirt with the school logo on the chest.

Reporter: “What are your expectations for the upcoming season?”

Coach: “We’re very excited. This team has a lot of potential. We think we can compete for a championship.”

What the coach actually knows:

The quarterback is a junior who should’ve left for the NFL last year. He’s staying because he’s not ready. The team knows he’s not ready. The coach knows he’s not ready. Everyone pretends optimism.

The offensive line is undersized. The recruiting class that was supposed to address this failed. The coach is pretending this problem doesn’t exist despite texting about it at 11 PM last month.

The defensive coordinator took a job at another school but hasn’t announced it yet. The defense will be in complete chaos by mid-season. The coach knows this.

The Scripted Theater

Reporter: “What did you work on during the offseason?”

Coach: “Fundamentals, consistency, and team chemistry.”

Translation: “We did the same thing we always do. It didn’t work last year and won’t work this year, but I need to say something that sounds intentional.”

Reporter: “How’s the quarterback looking?”

Coach: “He’s had an excellent offseason. He’s mature, intelligent, and understands our system.”

Translation: “He’s still the best option available even though he’s not very good. We’re hoping the line holds up so he has time to throw it away.”

Amy Schumer once said: “I’m honest about things because they’re legitimate grievances.” Coaches are the opposite. They’re dishonest about everything because acknowledging legitimate problems means admitting failure.

The Inevitable Ending

August: “We’re going to compete for a championship.”

September: “We’re in a transition year.”

October: “We’re dealing with injuries.”

November: “We’re young and learning.”

December: “We’re looking forward to next year.”

The script changes but the message stays constant: the coach is optimistic despite evidence that should make him pessimistic.

Media day is theater. Everyone plays their part. The coach pretends confidence. The reporters pretend to believe him. The team pretends that things will be different this year when they know they won’t be.

Universities have perfected the art of lying with a straight face and calling it “positivity.”

Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.